I came to America with big dreams. And by all appearances, I lived them out. But underneath the glitz of magazine shoots, celebrity invites, tequila-fueled nights, and VIP events, I was quietly breaking apart. This is my story—not a sales pitch, not a pretty package—but the truth of how Jesus met me in the mess and gave me a new life.

The Collapse of Protection: Growing Up Fast

By age 15, I didn’t have much parental protection. My dad was busy chasing his businesses and women, and though he lived with my stepmother and their young son, I felt like a shadow in that house. A language barrier and emotional distance kept us from bonding, so I was left to navigate adolescence largely on my own.

Abandoned and overlooked, I became what people call a “wild child.” I smoked, partied, rebelled, and pursued any thrill that could numb my pain or earn someone’s approval—especially my father’s. He had built his success from nothing, becoming a millionaire in his 20s with luxury cars, gorgeous homes, and everything the world calls the American dream. And I wanted him to see me.

The Mask of Achievement

And so I strived. I made it through college with honors. I took on glamorous projects—curating a motorcycle calendar, managing shoots, painting murals in high-end restaurants and homes, attending lavish weddings like one at Donald Trump’s mansion (before his presidency), where the Pussycat Dolls and Lionel Richie performed.

I brushed shoulders with celebrities: Claire Danes, Julia Ormond, David Strathairn, Temple Grandin, Rosie O’Donnell, Macaulay Culkin, Naomi Watts. I had tequila shots with Gabriel Iglesias and crew. Was invited to a date with “Mr. Big” from Sex and the City. Had dinner with a member of Rammstein. Even appeared in a movie with Kelly Clarkson and on a Netflix documentary about Woodstock 99.

Sounds like a dream, doesn’t it?

But my heart was hollow. My soul, crushed. I often felt invisible, used, unlovable, and like I never truly belonged in any of these rooms. What was I doing here? Why did I feel more alone with every glamorous night?

The Spiritual Drift: Seeking in the New Age

Somewhere along the way, I sought relief through spirituality. I dabbled deeply in New Age practices—manifestation, crystals, tarot, the law of attraction. I was convinced that if I just “focused on the right frequency,” life would bend in my favor.

And sometimes it seemed to work. I visualized things and they happened. I got the invite, the job, the connection.

But there was always a dark undercurrent. An emptiness that wouldn’t leave. A deception I couldn’t yet name. A whisper of truth I kept ignoring.

The Turning Point: Jesus Interrupts Everything

Everything changed in 2020. I had a supernatural encounter with Jesus Christ. A moment where the living presence of God stepped into my life and wrecked every illusion I had about what love, peace, and freedom were.

I didn’t just find a religion—I met a person. Jesus.

Suddenly, all the New Age teachings seemed hollow. What good is “self-love” when your soul is starving for the love of your Creator?

I realized I wasn’t created to manifest my own destiny—I was created to surrender to the One who wrote it.

A New Chapter: Healing Through Christ

Since then, everything changed. I got married to a loving, supportive husband. I became a stepmother to a young girl I’ve now had the joy of caring for over six years. I’ve built restored relationships with my family. I gained true friends—ones who feel like the family I never had. I found a church home and a Christ-loving community that’s helped me grow in Scripture and truth.

No more pretending. No more chasing status. No more begging the universe to love me.

Now, I have peace.

The kind that doesn’t depend on circumstances, parties, gigs, or applause.

The kind that walks with me into Walmart parking lots, where I’ve prayed with strangers.

The kind that shows up in veterinary clinics where I’ve seen God speak healing through tears and prayer.

The kind that sings over me through the Word of God.

The Real Dream: Walking with the Holy Spirit

These days, I live led by the Holy Spirit. I still create—I design, write, build, and paint—but now it’s with a different fire.

I’m not chasing anything anymore. I’m walking with Someone.

And He speaks. He guides. He comforts. He delivers. He heals.

I never thought I’d trade VIP access for early morning prayer. Or tequila for communion. Or psychic cards for the Book of Psalms.

But nothing compares. Nothing.

Final Thoughts: For Anyone Who Feels Like I Once Did

If you’ve ever felt like the life you built is secretly eating you alive… If you’ve ever chased parties, people, or pleasure only to feel more broken… If you’ve ever whispered, “God, if You’re real, help me”—

I want you to know: He is. And He will.

Jesus doesn’t care how far you’ve run. He already ran farther to get you.

You don’t have to clean yourself up first. You just have to come. Open the door. Say yes.

He loves you. He sees you. And He can do for you what no man, stage, substance, or meditation ever could.

He can save you.

I’m living proof.

If this resonated with you, you’re not alone. Feel free to reach out, browse the blog, or just talk to God. He’s listening.